...in another time, in another place.

1.) What kind of music do you like? Why?
A little bit of everything. I love bands and singers whose lyrics mean something, carry something with them. I love music that soars, that beats, that courses through you. Or floats over you, carries you away with it.

2.) Do you ever feel it's necessary to hurt other people? Why/why not?
Not unless you have a profound reason.

3.) What makes you smile?
A large amount of things. From something amusing being said, to warm memory recalls, to Ian.

4.) What are your goals? Why?
Most of them are private. I don't know why, maybe a security thing, to stop people making fun of them, disparaging them, or laughing at them. And in case they fail.

5.) Do you hate anyone? Why/why not?
I reserve my hate for those few who've really pissed me off during the years, or strangers who are cruel.

6.) What makes you cry?
Profound moments, or sadness, whether mine or other people's.

7.) When was the last time you felt beautiful? Why'd you feel that way?
I've only ever had moments where I could hope I felt beautiful.

8.) What are your opinions on sex?
It's fun, it's amusing, it's sensational, it's adventurous, and I love feeling free with it.

9.) How 'bout religion?
I don't like organised religions, they warp the ethics. I usually agree with a lot of the root ethics, but they're usually common sense to me.

10.) What is safe?
Wrapped in under the duvet. Holding hands. Being protected in a hug.

11.) What's the most important thing to you? Why?
Me. I think that is obvious.

12.) Are you happy?
As much as I can be.

13.) What's your worst fear? Why?
The dark. Because.

14.) What fufills you?
Happy days, warm memories, laughter, a grand day out.

Gods I do so love this band. They are beautiful.

VNV Nation - Ghost

I climbed down to watch the tide
mark the time that slips away
Where the oceans meet the sky
The drawing out of self
and bitter cold go side by side
The self sustained obscurity
The sense I can't maintain
The ghost that never wanes

I walk out to meet my fate
In the receding of the day
In hope the tide will grant me stay
From the ghost that never wanes

So torn and frayed
by times, lives, faces none can wear away
Time slips away
Let them rest upon the waves,
peace at last for those who wait,
before I go out too far,
before the depth I seek moves further away

Allow yourself grace. Time is the death of us.

A friend of mine posted his Musical Recommendations in a recent blog post. These were albums he liked, loved, and couldn't live without. This made me consider my own collection. These are albums that I constantly find myself revisiting, whether for comfort, energy, inspiration, happiness, or... any reason really.

Clint Mansell - The Fountain

Darren Hayes - any albums

Muse - Absolution, Black Holes & Revelations

VNV Nation - any albums

Rob Dougan - Furious Angels

Symphony X - Paradise Lost

Hans Zimmer - Black Hawk Down

Massive Attack - Danny the Dog

Tania Opland, Anne McCaffrey, et al - Masterharper of Pern

It's actually very hard. I look at the CDs and MP3s and I realise that there are a lot more songs that I couldn't live without, but not the rest of the albums they come from. Songs like White Christmas by Bing Crosby, The Chain by Fleetwood Mac, Temple of Love by Sisters of Mercy, Your Shameful Heaven by My Dying Bride, Benighted by Opeth, various Tom Waits tracks, Disappearing World by David Gray, many a track by Blind Guardian, songs such as Basement King (otherwise known as Legend of Steel) by Luca Turilli, acts like The Prodigy, or Marilyn Manson, and bands such as Motley Crue, Meatloaf and Queen... obviously Queen. But 'albums' is hard, because they have to be fully rounded entertainment. So those were mine, so far, and that I can think of today.

I may have exaggerated, I get frustrated with Jungian theory and fantasy lit crit.

Discovered that reading other people's interpretations of fantasy and romance literature frustrates me. Looks like the next three years are gonna be fun. Now where did I put that £400?

All this fuss about Polanski. To be frank: he should serve the alloted prison sentence due his crime. Face the music. Because he is famous, he cannot be touched by the law? This is outrageous. An 'ordinary' perpetrator of this crime would face a media circus spewing filth in his direction and very little sympathy. I have no interest in his films and the legacy that they have, his intellectual 'genius' should have no standing against justice and the law, of what little justice and law there is left.

Dominic Lawson probably has it right: "I do not deny his genius, nor his contribution to cinematic art; but I also share the view expressed by the historian Lord Acton that "if we may debase the currency [of the moral code] for the sake of genius, or success, or rank, or reputation... then it serves where it ought to reign. If that means nothing to Polanski's defenders among the literati, let them think of this: if it were their 13-year-old daughter who had been drugged and sodomised, would they still feel that the perpetrator was in fact the victim?"

Astonishingly brilliant article, ripe with venom for valid reasons. Don't read if you're a Royalist/Monarchist. Or perhaps do: to have a glimpse at the truth beneath the glittering crowns.

http://www.independent.co.uk/opinion/commentators/johann-hari/johann-hari-gin-servants-and-bloodlines-for-royaltys-alf-garnett-in-a-tiara-1792793.html

 I was going to write about how I have been feeling lately, and what a shit week I have had (although as Ian and I both commented, it didn't involve dead people, and I wasn't on fire). Instead, I created a new header for this journal o' mine using a peculiar poloraid programme that a livejournal friend mentioned. The photographs used, from left to right, are: October 2007, Winter 2007, May 2008 and June 2009. It entertains me and is more representative of me (obviously) than any previous header I have ever created for any online journal ever. Hooray!

Getting somewhere, doing things. Autumn often auspicious time for ability to work. Usually buggers off again, so not holding out hope.
Recent news: read Twilight, didn't hate it. Don't think it is deserving of the hatred spewed at it, then again, not exactly fond of the overexcited fangirlyness that it does inspire. Nevertheless. Hurt leg badly at work, recovering slowly. Muscles are a pain. Literally.
Boyfriend is snoring next to me. It's not late, but all I want is to be snoozing and snuggled with him. Will go and shower the leg and then hobble back downstairs for sleepytime. Bath is not as bad as it was, slowly beginning to come around to living here. Miss my friends in Clevedon, but 100% glad to be back out of the family home. New Muse album today, as I refused to steal the leaked copy online. Impressed and not impressed, as always. Still my favourite band, although VNV Nation creep up there slowly but steadily. Life is pretty good at the moment, hope nothing changes. Just need more money for the work I do, and less money spent on rent. Simples.

For now, this is a summer of discontent. Of my own personal failures.
But, I am supported. This ache of hatred is seeable only in brief private flares.
I have two attainable goals.
Neither are becoming unstuck from their ruts.
I am frustrated. I am confused.
There are lazy, obvious, and very good reasons however: falling in love, living with close friends, and working in an involving environment.

"We are all the same when staring into the face of death."

I wish people listened.

"Out of all our creations, the one that shall destroy us is time."

Have decided Event Horizon is too scary, and it is too much like its Hellraiser forebearers... *weep*~
Not that I didn't enjoy it though. Plus it had Sean Pertwee in (:

I love him.

And it feels beautiful to be loved.

"Live a second as a lifetime
Time doesn't matter
How many years
Since you found yourself
Staring at an endless sky?"

Is it the light? The little chorus of birds on a lazy Sunday morning? Or something... there is something inexplicable today. Something that reminds me of Chichesterian life that I cannot pinpoint. It is warm and pleasant, lying here in a sleepy daze, pondering whether to sleep or play on warcraft or read... Without Ian here (he's in Sopley, airsofting)... maybe this is it, the choices I have before visiting Milly later this afternoon, the fact I haven't been to work as much this week... a collection of minute things that creates an illusion for me. I know I have things to be done, but I have not done them. Work, job applications, commission forms... my own stories even, but this Sunday really, truly feels like a day of relaxation. Somehow I have had enough quiet time to feel at peace for a while. It is good. I am content.

On the verge of cresting waves. Oh, how the world falls apart.

It doesn't feel like I am really in this world sometimes, like I am disconnected somehow?
I long for the companionship of words. For the last seven years of my life, I have had only one dream.
I have never shared it. It is mine. It is something I want to accomplish alone.
I see this world around me, the events that happen, as obstacles and choices and chances.
I take experience every time. I want to see, to feel, to learn, to know.
I make steps in directions I do not know I want to take. I am learning the imprint of my decisions.

The lines of my skin grow deeper. Time wraps itself about me, sweeping me away.
When I close my eyes, what do I want?